Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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