so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
