I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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