I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
