i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
false alarm, still single
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
