So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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