I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
