sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
