btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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