you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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