You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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