I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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