I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
