As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
