god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
