Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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