I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
