Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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