The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
