i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
