love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
