I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
