I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
