i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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