So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
