new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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