found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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