We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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