New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
