hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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