Whod you bang
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i wish my penis had a tongue
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
