I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
