yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
