My sheets look like a crime scene.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
