you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
