I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
