im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it's like iHOP with fire
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
