So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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