he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
