Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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