I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
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So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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