ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
