I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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