some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
