If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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