is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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