Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
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How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
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Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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