I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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