If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
