girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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