Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
