I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
