This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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