So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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