I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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