It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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