I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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