Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
