I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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