two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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