he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
