I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
