My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
