Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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