I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
