i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
