i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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