so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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