I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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