i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
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In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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