If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
