and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
